Whoazers!

I woke up at 7am
then at 8:08am
then at 9:23am to my mother calling me.
There i lay in bed, waiting for the AC guys and Tony to leave so i could go use the bathroom for a near hour.

Now i am listening to Pandora (the best online radio out there!) and i just finished a pixi stick. Like i said yesterday i talked to Anthony for about 2hours, when the sun came up we decided that sleep might be a good idea. We have briefly planned a meeting today at the mall around afternoon, which would probably be around 2. If he wakes up in time. Will wants his shorts back (he let anthony borrow them to swim with) so he'll be giving me those, and i may be giving him Anthony his superman shirt i got him for our 1year anniversary, but im still thinking about it. I asked if he wanted it back, he just said if i wanted to give it to him, and i do but i dont.

I am waiting for Beth to wake up, then ill go over there, than we will go to the mall if Jim is kind enough to drive us.

As far as my writing goes, i am 5 pages in and started the day before yesterday. This is quite slow for me. It may be due to the fact of what i am writing about. My friends say that my life is interesting and is what makes theres so exciting, my life is full of drama lately, and we all think that it should be a T.V. show.

Pandora rules! Random but true, like i said im listening to it now. Has anyone noticed that so many songs have to do with love and such? I mean, so many songs ive heard since last night have to do with love and the oposite sex and broken hearts, just saying.

Last night i decided that I am done with Anthony. I am tired of feeling like, well, depressed shit. I just wanted to curl up into a ball and sit in a small hole last night. Then i told him, "goodnight, im gonna try and sleep." He says, "try? and ok, goodnight." I say, "yea, i havent really been able to sleep lately, minds to active i guess." And hes like "whatever, bye." like hes mad at me or somthing. I sat there for a minute just staring a the word, wondering what happened to the Anthony i know and love?

But really, im tired of feeling so sad all the time and so down. Im tired of having an echo of a heart beat and an aching hole in my chest where my heart once was. Im tired of my chest and the hole of my heart breaking and feeling the heartbeat echo through my body whenever i get upset because and over him. I'll be there for him, someone has to be, i'll always love him and care about him, i couldnt NOT, but i am done torturing myself. I plan to see him today, give him his shirt, give him a big hug (and ill know that i wont want to let go) then make myself tell him goodbye and walk away. Maybe i doubt for forever, but i suppose its possible. I don't want to loose him, but i have to let go. I thought i did, but i deffenitly did not. Now i have to. I deserve better than what he's been to me lately and better is out there. Time to take the advice i've been giving others and the advice they've been giving me.

My head was resting on a cloud, i knew that soon the cloud would rain out, thats what my tears were, but i didnt know who would catch me when my cloud was gone and i was falling. Now i know, i have to catch myself and piece myself together, im not humpty dumpty i am not a princess in a tower waiting for my prince anymore, i have to rescue myself. I have been through a depression before, i pulled myself out of that i can pull myself out of this, and im not even depressed yet. Well, ok, i didnt pull myself out all by myself. I'll admit that Anthony was a major role in that. But i have grown so much, matured so much, become so much stronger; i can do this myself and be successful.

My mom is at work. My mom really hates work. They arent very nice to her there, well her boss at least. So my mommy is starting her own bussiness. She, Janett, and Betsy are going to be partners in Momentum Marketing! She is so excited to be done with her current job, she really is miserable. She is always mad and yelling and so stressed, she's really upset that she nevers sees us and she says that im raising myself, i hope im doing a good job!

So, i think im done for now. I will probably blog later soo...

Ta Ta For Now :p